trapped by #love

At what point do you realize that you’re beginning to give up who you are for the person you love more than anything in this world?

Have you noticed that you don’t lean back, in tears, laughing anymore?

Have you noticed that you are not as goofy as you once were?

Have you noticed that you once did things spontaneously and now live pretty predictably?

Have you noticed that your smile seems to come less often?

Have you noticed that you are more irritable and impatient?

The saying “love is blind”, is one of the most real things I have ever heard. When you fall head over heels in love with someone, you love everything about them. You overlook those negative things because you believe the positive things have much more weight to them.

It starts off slowly.

You used to be extremely irritated or annoyed when someone wasn’t listening to you when you were talking, and would throw a fit about it. Or straight up walk away from them. Then this person comes into your life and captures your heart. When you once would have not put up with someone ignoring you, you now think it doesn’t matter if someone doesn’t always listen to you. As long as they listen for the important things. Then the important things begin being ignored, and you think “well, I know they just don’t like talking about things like this”.

Something you did not put up with out of self-respect and self-love, is now obsolete. You went from never allowing someone to ignore or dismiss you to now just…putting up with it.

You used to express yourself and your feelings whenever you felt necessary, and would never shy away from being expressive. Now you just can’t muster up the energy to even begin talking about how you feel. Because not only will you feel like it will be ignored, you feel like they wouldn’t care even if they were listening. Now it’s just not worth saying anything at all.

You want to be able to cuss like a sailor whenever you damn well please! Now you’re with someone who makes sure to repeatedly tell you how much they are turned off when you cuss.

You want a partner who is actually interested in things about you and things you do or say. Someone who has a genuine interest in the things that are important to you…and now you have to beg for any attention, and then just expect that you won’t get it.

Having your own space was once very important to you! Now you feel like you can’t bring it up without a huge fight starting.

You begin walking on eggshells. You begin to feel yourself hollow out from within. You begin bottling up your emotions. You might even start to believe that how your partner is acting is your fault. Maybe you shouldn’t have said anything about that one thing. Maybe I could have said this differently. Maybe I should have acted differently. Even though you were the one who was put down and hurt, you find yourself apologizing and trying to keep the peace.

You unknowingly let these little scenarios tear you down piece by piece. At least, you allow yourself to ignore that these scenarios are tearing you down piece by piece…because if you acknowledge it, you won’t be able to look at yourself for allowing it to happen.

You start disappearing.

You start becoming the person that you told yourself you would never become.

What happened to you? You look in the mirror at yourself and you have these moments of clarity where you truly wonder what happened? How did I get here? This isn’t who I am!

And the worst part of that entire things is…you know it’s not who you are, you know this person isn’t completely compatible, you know you deserve better, you know this is not something you should put up with. And then you feel crazy because even though you logically know this, you can’t change it. For some reason, those moments of clarity are fleeting.

Those moments of clarity start to arise more often, but remain fleeting. And when they happen more often, it doesn’t always mean that you are building the strength you need to realize the situation. It could also mean that you are in pain more often. Confused about yourself and your decisions more often. Questioning whether this is just how life is more often.

You suddenly realize that you’re in a relationship with no security. No promise of the future, no reassurance about the future, and “jokes” about not wanting to be together forever. You feel insecure and anxious 100% of the time. Yet….you stay. You keep hoping. You keep hanging on. You keep telling yourself that it will all work out. You keep telling yourself how much you love this person. You keep telling yourself that things will get better.

You keep compromising yourself.

You ignore the feeling in your gut. Because your imagination has a promising future with the one you love. And you let your imagination overpower your logic and instinct.

What happens if we turn our imagination off?

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s