Who has like zero friends?
It’s not always a bad thing to not have many friends, I think it also depends on your personality. For me, I consider myself an empath and I need to feel a real connection with someone. Their energy and their vibe they give off is what my soul feeds off of.
The tiniest of comments that someone makes, especially when we are first meeting, will make our break that potential friendship for me. I don’t know if I am being too selective, I don’t know if I am sabotaging relationships that could blossom, I don’t know what it is. You know the saying “if you think everyone else is the asshole, you’re probably the asshole”, I think about that sometimes as I think about my feelings towards other people.
There was a girl at the gym who I introduced myself to, she seemed pretty cool! I thought I was on track to become friends with this girl. Then one day she came and sat next to the machine I was on and we started talking about working out. I said “haha yeah I like to come in the middle of the day when there’s no one here so I can just mess with all of the machines that I don’t know how to use!”. And her response was “you know, we really need to just stop caring about what other people think so much. It shouldn’t matter to us what other people think”.
Sounds nice, right? I now sound like I’m a total asshole for that one comment bothering me, right? But I couldn’t help it. I didn’t like it. We only met once before that without any talking, and then had that conversation. To me, it turned me off because I didn’t even know this person and she immediately assumed that I cared too much about what other people think of me, and me wanting to try different machine when no one was around was because I was self-conscious. I took it as her trying to impart her wisdom on me, when I never asked for it. It turned me off because I don’t want to form a friendship with someone who already had this misconception of me. I didn’t want to spend the energy trying to explain myself and dispute her comments rather than just being myself.
I know I sound terrible…but do you know why I sound terrible? Because I worry about my own peace more than other people’s peace sometimes. I have learned that my own peace of mind needs to be cherished by me. That it’s okay to not want to pursue a friendship with someone I don’t connect with. A lot of us feel obligated to contribute to another person’s ego, rather than growing and altering our own. We have allowed ourselves to feel rude or disrespectful when we tend to our own needs first.
But the thing is, I don’t judge these people. I don’t think they are bad people. I don’t think they don’t have any wonderful qualities about them. I’m sure they’re nice, kind, funny, whatever it may be! But even though they may have all of those traits, but if the correct energy isn’t there, I don’t want to try and force it.
And it doesn’t always have to be an all-or-nothing situation like with this girl at the gym. Sometimes it has to do with the present moment and how you are feeling.
For example, I came home from work the other day and was crazy tired and not feeling well. As I was walking up the stairs to the apartment, I saw two pairs of shoes outside so I knew there were guests over. I hate to say it…but I turned around immediately and walked back down those stairs.
I know the couple that was in their are probably the kindest people in the world. Just radiating happiness and joy. I mean hell, the reason they went over was to bring some food that they made! But in that moment, I couldn’t bring myself to walk inside because I didn’t have the energy at that moment to match theirs. I didn’t have the energy to receive that radiating happiness and joy at that moment.
That doesn’t mean I can’t receive that energy later. That doesn’t mean that I think about that couple in any type of negative way. I just knew what my soul needed and didn’t need in that moment. And to be honest most of us would have felt rude not going in and saying hello. But for me, I would have felt more rude if I went in and my energy was off, wasn’t receiving their happiness, and wasn’t putting out my own.
We all need to remember that our own happiness is crucial to our survival. Our own peace is needed to feel fulfilled. We cannot grow with people without the ability to grow ourselves.
We cannot love people without the ability to love ourselves.
It all comes back to doing what YOU need to do, not what other people expect you to do. To break those social norms that a “good person” is someone who is always there. The best people could be the ones who decide not to be there for their own well-being.
Self-care is necessary, and often overlooked. It doesn’t have to always be things like meditation, exercise, writing, etc. It can also be just keeping your mind, your energy, and your emotions at peace.