There is that famous saying that we all know too well, “love is blinding”. I interpret that saying as you ignore and look past the red flags because your emotions of love begin to outweigh your mind and logic.
But who are we to question someone’s love or relationship?
Let’s say you are in a relationship with who you believe is the most amazing person on the planet. You love absolutely everything about them. Then your friends start telling you there are red flags, that they think you deserve better, etc. And you completely blow them off because “they don’t know what they’re talking about” and “they don’t know what we have”. In some cases, your friends might be right and just trying to look out for you. But other times, they really don’t know what you have.
I don’t know about anyone else, but to me, I can recognize that my friends vent to me about their relationship when something goes wrong, they have a huge fight, they begin questioning things. But I am also able to understand that it’s easy for people to vent about the negative things happening in their relationship when they need to get it off their chest, but don’t always share all of the amazing things about their relationship. So who am I to question it?
The only time I would ever question a relationship that my friend is in is if there is violence, serious emotional abuse, cheating, or if their partner is just a downright shitty person. There are so many other things that would make me question a relationship that I have not listed here, but for the sake of simplicity I’m just going to leave it with those.
Who am I to tell a friend that they deserve better? In my bias opinion and love and care for that friend, of COURSE I think they deserve the world and the best possible person out there. Are my expectations for my friend’s partner realistic though? Isn’t it true that no one is perfect? Isn’t it true that every single human being on this planet has certain things about them that aren’t so attractive?
If I see a red flag from my eyes, it might not be a red flag from my friend’s eyes, or other onlookers for that matter. As an example…my partner will not post ANYTHING about us on social media, and I would vent like craaaazy to my friends about it and how much it hurt my feelings. And those close friends love me and care about my wellbeing, so they would continuously tell me that this is a red flag, that there could be someone else, that he should want to show me off, that he should be proud of our relationship and want to tell the world, etc.
And at first, I agreed with them and I would get all hyped up about it! To the point where I would create arguments with him using those points and question his intentions! I’m not saying my friends are wrong by any means, but it’s an outside perspective. Once I allowed myself to take a step back, have a conversation with my partner about it, and hear where he was coming from, I became okay with it. He wasn’t not posting about us out of secrecy of our relationship, he wasn’t doing it because he likes his privacy and he considers our relationship the most intimate detail in his life. And he doesn’t feel the need to allow others and their opinions or nosiness into our intimate relationship. It’s something that is just for us. And when I did allow others and their opinions into our intimate relationship, it ended up causing conflict because I allowed their words to reassure my insecurities.
Don’t get me wrong, I still secretly hope that there will be a picture of us posted. I do still get a little upset when I scroll through my instagram feed and see everyone showing off their partners. But that’s them. That’s their relationship. That doesn’t mean it has to be mine…and that doesn’t mean that if mine is different, it’s wrong. So who is someone else to question my relationship? Who am I to questions someone else’s?
**Side note, if my friends are reading this….you know I love you and that I care about you. And I know you want what’s best for me**
When someone we love comes to us with a relationship problem, do we know everything that is going on? Like literally EVERYTHING? Do we know all of the good things, all of the little details, all of the day-to-day conversations, all of the laughs and smiles? Most likely not. So maybe just like we need to take a step back and see the bigger picture in our own relationships sometimes, we should take a step back before assuming things about someone else’s too.