the process of realizing a drinking problem, part 2.

So, I’m not doing anything wrong. I’m being smart and logical. I’m taking care of myself. I’m an adult, I can drink. It’s what adults do. I’m not getting into any trouble. It’s the holidays, it’s sports season, it’s brunch, it’s happy hour.

I feel happy when I drink, don’t I want to be happy? Duh. Who cares how I create my own happiness. Some people work out, some people go to church, some people volunteer…I like to drink. Whatever, everyone can have their own thing. At least I found mine, right?

I decided I wanted to go to medical school, something I thought about for years and was my original plan in college. So I decided to go back to school at night while I was working full-time. Work Monday-Friday 8am-5pm, class Monday through Thursday 6pm-9pm. I need to build up a solid application for medical school right? Shadowing a doctor on Saturday’s 8am-12pm. Volunteering on Saturday afternoons or Sunday’s. Wow, I’m doing so much, I’m amazing.

I am so damn amazing and I am doing so much with my life, clearly I deserve a break and some time to wind down and relax.

I can go to the bar all day on days I had off because guess what? I brought my laptop and all of my books and I studied all day. What does it matter that I was drinking the entire time I was studying and doing homework? I was getting shit DONE.

I would go to school and take an exam and get an A. Hell yeah, time to celebrate my accomplishment!

I am on top of my game. I am making moves. I am pursuing something awesome. I am doing great. I’m on top of the world. Not many people can do what I’m doing.

You know what? Let me be more productive and study at the library instead of at the bar. That way I can really focus. But since it’s only studying, let me bring some booze in a coffee mug for myself. Make studying a little more enjoyable. I’m still getting done what I need to.

You know what? Last time I went to the library with my coffee mug, I ran out really quick and I had more studying to do. Let me bring a lunch box with me so that I can bring refills. NOW, I can study for even longer and have a good time. I can be there for hours. I’m so productive.

I finished the semester with a 4.0 GPA after taking precalculus and organic chemistry and working a stressful job full-time…HELL YEAH. Nothing can stop me.

When I go out, I’m a good time. I am fun, I am awesome, people enjoy being around me. I can party with the best of them. I’m so cool.

I’m living my best life, and I’m killing it.

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